August 24 2020 (last update)
Written down after walk with Papa during which he made up chapters 4, 5, and 6, maybe 7(?) (rest were me at home). First two and last one chapters cut. Trust me, they didn’t work out. Almost cut 3rd, but kept for snail-sloth comic reference.
~Chapter Three~
An alien was flying a ship toward the Intergalactic Congress at the speed of light. Even though the ship was flying toward its target at the speed of light, it was still a three-hour flight due to the starting point’s enormous distance from the destination.
He needed to inform the snails that the sloths of Earth wanted to move to Snailworld. This would cause a big problem for the snails, as the sloths would be clogging up their planet space, and barely even moving from their spot.
This would mean that if the sloths decided to start using slime-fueled cars, which they would, then there would always be traffic. Snails would complain that sloths were even slower than them (which wasn’t exactly a lie, when talking about these sloths).
~Chapter 4~
The Big Bone galaxy was a galaxy inhabited and ruled by all the breeds of dogs you can imagine. This is an otherwise normal galaxy, hardly significant, except for the huge infinite-looking ship stranded somewhere at the edge of the galaxy.
Built long ago by the turtles, this ship was made so that no turtle could walk all the way across it in a lifetime. This ship was not only huge and powerful, but it was also ecologically clean.
The huge turtle-built ship worked on Nothing Fuel. Well, not exactly nothing. You see, the ship used the properties of space, using the nothingness (the “air” floating around in space) as fuel, taking it into the ship’s fuel department and squeezing it out so hard that it moved the ship.
After the turtles built it, they drove it into the Big Bone galaxy to do some business with the puppy inhabitants, but soon after, the turtles forgot about it and just left it there, abandoning it. No one knows about it yet, except the oldest turtle in the universe, who lives in the Amazon river.
~Chapter 5~
Planet Mud was a large planet located in a galaxy not far from the Milky Way Galaxy, only a few light years away, and this galaxy was called Hippolandia. The extremely muddy planet was the only one in its solar system, but it made up for that with its high tourism.
Many hippos visited this planet, and every day, the Mudpark staff had to organize many muddy rides.
Recently, the planet’s mud had been drying, due to the sun being too close to it. Someone had asked the Intergalactic Congress to do something about it once, but the sloths in it made it operate so slowly, everyone could see that it was useless to wait for them to come to a decision.
So the snails decided to take the matter into their own hands. They wanted to move the planet farther away from the sun, and they had heard about the huge ship built by the turtles. The snails decided to go down to Earth and meet the oldest turtle in existence, the one in the Amazon river. She told them about the ship her species left in the Big Bone Galaxy and forgot about later.
The snails set off toward the Big Bone Galaxy, fueling their ships with actual fuel. (Once the snails were filling their ships with edible things such as cake, thinking the humans fueling theirs with non-tasty things was just boring and pointless, but when their astronauts ate all of it every time, they realized that maybe the humans had a point after all.)
~Chapter Six~
Earth is the only real planet in its solar system that is known to humans. Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus are big balloons that had been blown up by dolphins to lie to the humans to make them feel less lonely. Mars was a mushroom.
The exact type of mushroom delicacy, in fact, that snails loved to eat.
As soon as the snails spotted this mushroom, they hurried to eat it. It was huge, and eating it took many years, but when the snails finally finished, they decided to rest on that big blue-and-green planet over there. This planet they spotted just happened to be Earth.
As they got closer to the planet, they saw it was already inhabited. The semi-intelligent species that lived there knew about Mars, too. The snails soon also found out that this species had worshiped the mushroom they had just eaten.
The snails then decided that after eating this mushroom, settling on their planet would be very rude. And they knew they couldn’t just leave it this way, because the humans would soon see that the mushroom was no longer there. They used the big ship they had acquired when dragging the Mud Planet away from its sun (the hippos were happy to see that the planet was getting muddy again, and the planet had once again become a place of high tourism) to replace Mars with a big red planet that looked just like it from Earth. This planet was not yet known to humans, so they decided it would be safe to move it.
After the mushroom was replaced, it took humans several thousand years to send rovers onto Mars. However, they had no way of knowing that this wasn’t the original Mars, and they never found out that their original Mars was actually an enormous mushroom.
~Chapter Seven~
The Mars rover slithered across SOL 15, the red planet’s replacement. A snail stood beside a printer, taking out the ‘Mars’ landscapes a snail artist had drawn. Another snail took those pictures from the first snail as they printed, pushing them in front of the rover. The humans watching the rover saw a false Mars landscape and couldn’t tell that something was wrong; the pictures had taken the snail artist a long time, but fortunately, they looked very realistic.
The humans were just a failed experiment the dolphins had made, their goal being to create an intelligent species. They had never thought that humans would actually get to any form of space travel, after watching them have much trouble with getting out of their “Stone Age,” as well as inventing farming rather late, and taking thousands of years to start using axes instead of sharp rocks to harvest wood. The dolphins began to doubt if they should even have tried out the experiment, when they saw all the microplastics floating in their underwater palaces and had to clean them regularly.
Munlandia 