Munlandia

No relation to Munlandia whatsoever, but this is my site so anything goes (as long as it’s not noodles).

[I wonder if there is such a spelling as Hosé, but it’s too late to worry about that]

^{A show (made up Apr 20, 2023 – May 16). If you do not know this show, you are supremely uneducated.}

This document is a list of canon events, as well as fan speculation by us.

Characters: Esmeralda, Pedro, Hosé (spell it right; he’s not a garden Hose), Louis, Isabella, Lucia, Isaura, Alejandra, Camilla, Anabella

Show summary:

Hosé is interested in tech stuff, if you didn’t catch that.

Louis is Nutella magnate; he doesn’t need other plans.

Esmeralda is brainwasher-behind-the-scenes; soon the world will be too brainwashed to notice they’re leaving money bags at her front porch and she’s not actually working.

Lucia dreams of a shoelace factory, an unachievable dream.

Isabella is the servant.

Isaura is who knows where.

Pedro is the poor boy all of them pick on, and inconsiderately poison. That’s his whole point.

There. Show summarized. Turn this into a trailer and we’re good to go.

It all started when Papa mentioned Esmeralda & Pedro, and the argument Esmeralda and Pedro once had. He said that when people are watching shows like these, at least they’re thinking about that argument instead of getting brainwashed. I disagreed: “No, they’re getting the worst brainwashing of all! THAT ESMERALDA IS AWESOME!” We proceeded to argue for half an hour: He defended Esmeralda, saying she was awesome and everyone knew it; I said Pedro was right about her in that argument and she was a bad person. He eventually sided with me, and we are now discussing how awful Esmeralda is.

I brought to attention the ad break during Episode 978 of Season 35 featuring Nutella sticks (which were what carbohydrate happened to be on our counter) and the scene in Episode 675 of Season 27 where Esmeralda was shown to have a Nutella stick in her pocket. When I mentioned the latter, Papa interrupted before “Nutella stick” and said Esmeralda was wearing mismatched socks. I told him that was a distraction from the real thing – the Nutella stick. I asserted that they were trying to tell us something. There is more to this than meets the eye.

We are both still shocked at the scene where Esmeralda gives Pedro a Nutella stick (Episode 375, Season 36). The audacity is unbelievable – have you seen anything more appalling? We can’t believe they show that episode to children; what if they get ideas? Esmeralda didn’t even ask Pedro if he had nut allergies, especially since her mom told her in Episode 258 of Season 14 that he could. Pedro said he didn’t have them in Episode 632 of Season 15, but Esmeralda wasn’t even there.

Papa started using an accent, and I told him to stop mimicking Hosé. After the conversation sidetracked, he mentioned sounding like Pedro. I got angry and shouted: “How dare you insinuate that Pedro sounds like Hosé?!” Papa replied, “They have the same accent. They come from the same house. They are BROTHERS!” He conveniently cited the ONE episode I missed for a scene of Pedro and Hosé being shown in the same house. He told me not to worry about missing an episode; not everyone is a veteran of the show – some people still need to eat and sleep.

Louis is the owner of the Nutella stick company; we are sure of it. The fact that he is the only character with whom Esmeralda has not interacted with a single time for the entire length of the show is suspect. They have never been present at the same time, proof that there is something going on here. This is proof that they not only know each other, but have a Nutella conspiracy. Louis must have a cabinet completely full of Nutella sticks, we reasoned, before realizing the darker truth: He is the company owner. He is the source of all of Esmeralda’s infamous Nutella sticks.

I was going on about what a complicated villain Esmeralda is because 1: according to the show, she’s NOT a villain and 2: the show purposely makes her seem so simple, like there’s nothing more to her, but I know the truth. That was when Papa cut in: “She has layers! She’s an ONION! And peeling onions makes you cry!” With this revelation, I realized further: “You know why they make you cry? They don’t go directly to your eyes; it’s because you smell them. Esmeralda wears perfume for a REASON!” He said: “To deceive us!” May 12 Papa addition: “The downside, however, is that it smells like garlic. Unfortunate. Which she doesn’t mind, because she’s not trying to please everyone around her anyway.”

When we were doing a coding problem with lights and switches, I mentioned another mean thing Esmeralda did: She turned off the light switch with Pedro still in the room! I bet she was hoping he would trip in the dark.

Additionally, when Papa was spelling his code wrong, I mentioned Esmeralda bullying Hosé for his bad spelling grades.

We talked about the time when Pedro was sick and Esmeralda forgot to visit him in Season 45, the perfect example of her being a bad friend. That was when Pedro died, and his ghost haunted her till the next season, when he was resurrected. Season 45 had to end early at 1500 episodes so they could quickly resurrect Pedro (and also because the director was sick of all this stupidity). We have determined that Pedro got sick because Esmeralda poisoned him at teatime (Episode 684, Season 45) – but it was not her tea that was poisoned; it was the Nutella sticks she had Pedro eat with his tea (conspiracy with Louis). Papa remarks that she did look suspicious in Episode 675, and I elaborated: “I know, right?! It’s the Nutella sticks again! They were in her pocket in that episode! They’re always in her pocket when she’s about to do a bad deed. The Nutella sticks give her away.”

Papa remarked that Esmeralda was trouble ever since she was introduced in Episode 80 of Season 1. I asked, “But Esmeralda is the main character! Then who was the main character before Episode 80?” “Isaura!”

Papa added to the evidence of Esmeralda being a bad person with the scene from Episode 749 of Season 48 where she treated her servant really badly. (“Undercooked pizza, can you believe it?”) I said that I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten already; that was one of the worst examples of Esmeralda’s cruelty. I don’t know how her servant, Isabella, puts up with her.

Furthermore, I have now realized Pedro’s poisoning was not because of a one-time snack at teatime. Before that infamous tea, Esmeralda secretly slipped Nutella sticks into Pedro’s cereal every other episode. Pedro’s sickness and death were a result of accumulated Nutella stick poisoning over many seasons.

When I said we should make new characters and mentioned Esmeralda’s sister, Papa asked, “Esmeralda has a sister?” I said, “Of course she has a sister! You know she has a sister, because you watched the show!”

I rewatched an episode and saw Esmeralda sneaking Nutella sticks into her little sister’s lunchbox. How wicked! Esmeralda’s sister, Lucia, never saw it coming.

Lucia’s favorite video game is Legend of Zelda. Or, it was, until Esmeralda stole Lucia’s Nintendo!

What’s more, according to Papa, Louis owns the Nutella stick company NOW, but in Episode 115 of Season 1, he STOLE it from Pedro! Do you see the suspicious timing? Esmeralda was introduced 25 episodes ago. The collusion happened immediately. Louis did it for the money; Esmeralda did it so she could have access to the factory so she could put poison into the sticks. The conspiracy worked out because Esmeralda is never blamed for anyone dying or feeling unwell; she is not the maker of those sticks. Especially that time in Episode 3,715 in Season 15 when the whole town went crazy for DAYS because Esmeralda “accidentally” dropped a whole bottle of her crazy juice into the chocolate pot of the factory.

Additionally, Pedro’s family owns the Cactus restaurant (real restaurant) and Esmeralda has been eyeing it for a while. She has big plans for that place. “Nutella sticks are not enough. I need to go bigger,” she says. She also thinks the burritos in that restaurant are not wrapped properly on an ongoing basis; it has been her lifelong dream and obsession to fix that mess. (There is no deeper meaning related to poisoning; this is intended to show how what kind of dreams she has.)

Lucia, on the other hand, always wanted to get a pair of brown shoelaces. She could get any other color, but brown ones escaped her for years. She even had conceived a plan of building a whole factory dedicated to producing brown shoelaces. However, her two-dollar-per-month allowance will not cover the expenses.

Hosé has hacked NASA. He may have been looking for moon rocks, but he was probably looking for CASA (restaurant). Our characters are very shallow, even if they can hack and scheme. This is to emphasize how dull the show actually is.

This is how the conversation went when Esmeralda found out:

Esmeralda: Hack NASA for me.

Hosé: Why?

Esmeralda: Because I said so.

Hosé: Hack your own NASA.

Esmeralda: Okaaaay *reaches into pocket* Want some of these? They’re REEEEAAALLY good!

“I don’t know about coding, but do you know what Esmeralda’s best friend, Alejandra, did in the last season?!” I asked Papa. “No. I did not watch the season,” he answered. “You have not watched the season?! It came out yesterday! You had a whole DAY! There is no excuse!” I said. “No, a night. It came out at 9:00PM.” “A DAY AND A NIGHT! You had a day and a night, and you haven’t watched the season!” I said. Then, getting exasperated, I took on a condescending tone (since, you know, those who have not watched the latest season are a lower class) and said, “You still had a whole night; please tell me you have at least read the wiki page for that season.” He has not. Can you imagine?! He has no clue what Alejandra did in Season 50.

“What did Isaura do before Esmeralda came along in Episode 80?” I asked.

“Sat on the couch,” Papa said.

“For 80 episodes?!” I asked.

“Yes.”

”But that’s BORING!”

“There is a theory that fans of this show are not completely sane.”

“I reject your theory and substitute my own!”

“That is what fans say.”

He proceeded to tell me how Isaura sat on the couch until Episode 91, when Pedro appeared.

“And then what happened?” I asked, immersed in the gripping story.

“Pedro sat down next to her. He could do nothing but join her when he saw what a brilliant idea she had.”

“But what did Esmeralda do when she appeared earlier in Episode 80?”

“Sat down.” And so the three apparently sat there until Alejandra came along, and, to the viewers’ shock, didn’t sit down. Instead, she had the idea of lying down.

“Alejandra displayed an astonishing sense of self compared to Esmeralda and Pedro. If she didn’t have a sense of individuality, she would’ve conformed to the group norms,” I said later.

Additionally, we have now figured out that not only did Hosé know about the Nutella conspiracy (we figured it out because he mentioned Louis’s name in Esmeralda’s presence once; see previous paragraphs), but he didn’t tell Pedro. When I said this to Papa, and asked him why Hosé would do such a thing, Papa said:

“He was jealous of Pedro because Pedro was one centimeter taller than him and a bit stupider, two qualities that made people like Pedro more. So Hosé figured this was an easy way to get rid of him.”

“He sabotaged Pedro!” I gasped. “He sabotaged his own brother!”

When Papa sarcastically said something about going swimming, I said, “That’s what Esmeralda said before she pushed Pedro into the pool.”

“Why?” Papa asked. “So he would drown?”

“No,” I said. “He had a cold, and she hoped shoving him in the neighbor’s pool would make it worse.”

“Luckily for him, it was a shallow pool for kids. Ankle-deep.”

“That’s not even a pool!”

“Yeah, it looked more like a puddle. Oh! Maybe it was a puddle!”

When we were deciding which way to go in the park, I decided to go in the direction where the people with pizza were walking. Papa said he thought this too, and it was obvious.

“That’s what Hosé thought,” I said. “Hosé followed his nose, but Pedro followed his confusion.”

He said the characters cannot tell right from left, or even right from wrong. I said, When Pedro makes mistakes and realizes it (he makes them all the time and usually doesn’t realize), he says, “I’m left!” And the one time the group got lost in the forest, and there was a fork in the road, Pedro said, “Let’s go wrong,” and everybody went left.

I dread the day one of these characters tries to learn to drive a car. To this, Papa said, “Google better hurry up with self-driving cars.”

By the next day, today, Papa has finally watched Season 50 (he stayed up all night), and I can finally talk to him on equal terms. However, he is still not ready to discuss what Alejandra did, so I said it for him. Alejandra spilled the beans – or should I say, Nutella sticks – on the Esmeralda-Louis conspiracy. The secret we’ve been waiting for 50 seasons to come out is finally out, thankfully for Pedro, who would never have figured it out on his own. Esmeralda is now taking her problem out on Lucia.

Papa has expanded on the Nutella collusion and how Louis stole the company from Pedro. Originally, Pedro made a product that he made poisonous by accident (he wasn’t a great cook), and was the tester of the product. He consumed all this poison, and the product was still in early stages of development, so it was not yet edible. For this reason he had lost his “taste of smell,” as Papa said when he was trying to say “sense of taste and smell.” Then he hired a designer (Camilla) to find a way to package his poison – I mean, product. Camilla presented Nutella sticks as her own design, giving Pedro the idea for the product. She stole it from the Nutella company, which was convenient because everyone thought Pedro was part of the Nutella company and no one would suspect him for stealing design/product. That is why stores would sell his product. Louis, having mastered some of the alphabet, was able to convince Pedro to hire him as an accountant and a lawyer for the company. To do paperwork. Seeing how Pedro was not reading any papers he signed, Louis managed to sign the whole company over to his name. And now Louis is a scholar of the alphabet. He is carefully studying the letters he doesn’t know, and may soon be able to reproduce them on paper without looking at the originals. Camilla spilled the beans about the business to Esmeralda, who got leverage to get Louis to give her access to the facility.

I have just looked up the meanings of the characters’ names. Here they are, with my notes on why they work. It turns out the characters match their names perfectly.

• Esmeralda – Emerald. Therefore she has green eyes, it is canon now. Green with envy! She wants that Nutella stick company.
• Pedro – stone, rock. He has a thick skull. No, it is ROCK HARD for him to pass a test.
• Hosé – “He shall add.” He certainly does add to the plot…
• Lucia – light. Her brain certainly is lightweight.
• Isabella – “Devoted to God.” More like devoted to Esmeralda. It is a special kind of devotion to not quit your job as Esmeralda’s servant.
• Louis – famous warrior. His company certainly is famous, and he does get a lot of people hurt (warrior).
• Isaura – gentle breeze. It is true. She just BREEZED past in the series for only 80 episodes as the main character and we didn’t notice when she was gone.
• Alejandra – defender of the people. It certainly is true! She was the only person to speak up in public about the Nutella stick conspiracy, therefore saving many potential victims of Esmeralda’s cunning plot.
• Camilla – helper to the priest. More like helper to the poisoner. She has wrapped the Nutella stick poison so that people buy it and it looks almost edible.

I have decided the characters need last names.

• Pedro & Hosé – Tostado, meaning “toasted.” Pedro sure is toast after all that poisoning.
• Esmeralda & Lucia – Oliveira, meaning “olive tree” – back to the green Esmeralda.

Isabella became Esmeralda’s servant because she saw that everyone else was working, so she wanted work too. Unfortunately, she didn’t figure out the paycheck part, so she works for Esmeralda for free. So she’s not a servant, she’s a slave. Isabella somehow still has more life skills than Esmeralda, and that is why she is useful. She does the food shopping for Esmeralda, who can’t tell a cucumber from a zucchini. Esmeralda can’t shop because she hasn’t figured out how to use money, but Isabella has made a discovery: If you give the credit card to the cashier, the cashier does it for you. Isabella has not disclosed this secret to Esmeralda, fearing for her job security.

Anabella (name meaning: “favorable beauty”) is the school popular girl Esmeralda is jealous of. Esmeralda once tried to convince the school to switch the cafeteria food for her Nutella sticks, in hopes of poisoning more people… hopefully Anabella included.

Esmeralda poisoned everyone to make them forget the alphabet, because she was sick of everyone being smarter than her.

After Alejandra spilled the beans on the Nutella plot, the characters stopped consuming the sticks, but they were still under the influence of the poison and therefore too stupid to do anything about it. So it was other people (Alejandra had spilled the beans publicly) who reported the Nutella stick company to the Nutella company for copyright violation and poisoning. The Nutella company sent the police and their own representatives, quickly found the factory, and questioned all involved. They questioned everyone for days, but could not figure out who did what and gave up on the idea. They didn’t press charges against anyone for this reason, but they took away the Nutella stick company and shut it down. Thus ends the first series of Esmeralda & Pedro, consisting of 50 seasons. Pedro had worked for the company until now, still thinking he was the owner, because he couldn’t read the papers signing the company away to Louis. The poison in the Nutella sticks is both the poison from Pedro’s original accidental bad cooking + Esmeralda’s poison; Camilla then wraps it in chocolate. Pedro the taste-tester has no idea; in his head it is not poison.

Esmeralda & Pedro Series 2

Title: Esmeralda Gets Caught By Alpha Centauri Security Forces (“Bit too long,” I said. “In this show, anything goes. If it ain’t noodles, it’s not too long. If it’s not Pedro, it’s not too stupid. That’s the show slogan,” said Papa.)

Fan commentary: Esmeralda to the Stars – Not That There Weren’t Already Enough Scammers There

Yesterday (today is May 14) Season 51 released, the first season of the new series. After the Nutella stick company was disbanded, the characters began coming up with new schemes – so they wouldn’t have to go to school (they’d gone to school before; it didn’t go well).

Then one day, Esmeralda tried to make a soup, but the soup required potatoes. This she was unprepared for – she’d expect poison to be involved, but no. So she ordered potatoes. (Or did she? No one knows what buttons she pressed, and it looks like we’ll never know.) Instead of potatoes, a plane was delivered. A plane stolen from Nutella corp, as revenge for shutting down her Nutella stick company. It was easy for the deliverer to make this mistake – not being able to tell a plane from potatoes – while still under the influence of Esmeralda’s poison. Said plane arrived with a pilot inside (Esmeralda couldn’t fly and never got her hands dirty anyway – there was Nutella grease on the controls). Additionally, Esmeralda received 2 credit cards (also from Nutella corp.) – no one knows how that happened. She is now flying around spreading her new & improved poison gas, and the police are too influenced to catch her. Thought we couldn’t top the idiocy of the first series? You were wrong.

Then Esmeralda went to space in a car and got caught by the Alpha Centauri security forces. She stole this car from the neighbor the old-fashioned way (kind of disappointing after stealing the Nutella corp. plane, but that’s the humor). (“And then Esmeralda went to space,” said Papa. “On the plane?” I asked. “No, on a car,” he said. “Nutella corp. car?” “No, neighbor’s car.”)

She drove through the forest on her way to buying those potatoes she could never seem to get – but she couldn’t read all the warning signs of “STOP” and “BROKEN BRIDGE AHEAD” so she drove right to the alien portal at the end of the broken bridge. (The portal was there for visits to the zoo called Earth to see Homo sapiens in their natural habitat.) Because of the portal, instead of falling down, her car fell UP. She arrived at a planet in Alpha Centauri, where 10 billion aliens lived. Everyone was looking at Esmeralda like an animal escaped from the zoo. They had no crime, and no need for police, so all that was just in history books.

Esmeralda got to live peacefully on the planet – which unsettled her. The people were friendly; the food and everything was free. No matter how much she stole, no one seemed to care, because everything was free anyway. When she gave back what she stole, the aliens just put it back where it was supposed to be and carried on being so annoyingly carefree.

Esmeralda, being Esmeralda, who could do nothing but poison people, decided to do just that. She set up an ice cream stand, stealing ice cream from another stand and adding in her own poison. (“She dipped it in chocolate so no one would notice the weird color,” I said.) Little by little, the poison seeped in. Unfortunately, the aliens were too peaceful for it to make a difference. They went right on reading their books and doing nice things.

But then eventually, after much effort from Esmeralda, the aliens became “almost as mean as the kindest humans.” They began getting ideas – they wanted to do crime. They aimed all this crime at Esmeralda (because she was that really mean Earthling nobody liked), taking poison from her ice cream and putting it into her water. (By now they’d figured out her plot.)

Alpha Centauri Security took Esmeralda and called together a council of aliens that still remembered something about how police worked. They locked Esmeralda up in a cage. But eventually, the poison wore off and the aliens were getting nice enough to not want to keep a living thing in a cage. They let Esmeralda go, but with a hat that said “This girl is dangerous and will take any opportunity to hurt you” so Esmeralda couldn’t poison any more people. She couldn’t read and didn’t know what the hat said, and was told by the aliens to keep the hat on or they’d lock her up again.